Thanks to Susie for her poem in progress. (Readers, send in yours today!)
How happy I would be if I could rhyme
a poem, but --- what should I do first?
I feel lost.
a poem, but --- what should I do first?
I feel lost.
Your opening line is a good iambic pentameter line (five ta-TUMs). It is a good rhythm to maintain throughout your poem --- however many lines you want to write. It will help you get into your poet's zone. If you haven't read blog 2, and 3, read them and you'll see why I say this. Plus, there is warm feeling to your line.
Your second line is four and a half ta-TUMs. You can add a TUM. Look in your rhyming dictionary for words that rhyme with "rhyme." If you haven't yet got a rhyming dictionary, make on a separate sheet of paper a list of all the words that rhyme with "rhyme" that you can think up. Ask your friends for rhyme words. (The dictionary I use is Sue Young's The New Comprehensive American Rhyming Dictionary. It's an Avon paperback listed in the post on resources.)
(I suggest you start with rhyming couplets, that is, a scheme which goes aa,bb,cc,dd etc.)
You only have space in the first line for one TUM, that is, a single syllable. How about "I'm?" In my rhyming dictionary, there are 14 other choices. Choose any one that appeals to you. Just be aware that it will control the following lines --- and that's just fine. That's as it should be, using the approach I am about to model for you.
How happy I would be if I could rhyme
a poem, but --- what should I do first? I'm
a blind whisker-less cat, a bloodhound with
no nose
This is where "I'm" took the poem for me, offering metaphors that reflect your short statement, "I feel lost." The statement is okay, but it lacks the imagery of the metaphors of being a cat and being a bloodhound.
Where did the cat and the dog come from? "Lost" is pretty abstract without some kind of qualification. I ask myself, lost like what? Like a cat that's blind and has no whiskers. Like what else? Like a bloodhound without a nose, which can't "scent" out a direction to go in. "Like" and "as" signal similes. To convert a simile into a metaphor, let a verb create a single entity out of the speaker who's lost and the thing she is like. Thus, I am a blind whisker-less cat. I am a blood hound with no nose. Considerations of rhythm suggest we put these in apposition. Hence the lines as they are so far developed.
Before I forget, note that there are no commas at the ends of lines. The only use of commas at the ends of lines is where the syntax of the sentence requires it for clear understanding. If we put a comma at the end of every line, as the Victorians did, it would make it sing-song when read. It would destroy the poems syntactic intelligibility. I have used enjambment in most lines.
Now, look up "with" in your rhyming dictionary. In mine there are five words of one syllable, and five of three syllables with the last syllable carrying the accent or stress (the TUM). Let's choose the word "pith."
How happy I would be if I could rhyme
a poem, but --- what should I do first? I'm
a blind whisker-less cat, a bloodhound with
no nose, divided, sniffing for that pith
of feeling which will keep me true to self
This is where "pith" took the poem. What next? I look in the dictionary and find a quite limited range of rhymes to match "self." We need more rhymes than 'self' has. Let's look elsewhere for an end-word to rhyme the following line with. "Heart"? Much better range of choices (though using heart too often gets sticky).
How happy I would be if I could rhyme
a poem --- yet, what is my first step? I'm Changes here
a blind whisker-less cat, a bloodhound with improve the
no nose, divided, sniffing for that pith rhythm.
of feeling which expresses best my heart. Ditto.
Could "feeling lost" lead to a poet's art?
What do you think? I think the answer to the question posed in the poem is YES. And maybe, Susie, it will lead you there!
Your feelings will lead you to a completely different poem, even though you use the same rhyme words, because as individuals we have quite different experiences in life. Different rhymes lead to still different poems at the hands of the same poet. The point is, don't ever force the poem into a predetermined theme, or use forced rhyme. First find the rhyme, then the line, and let the poem make whatever sense it will, in "going where it wants," as a reflection of your feeling and your growing skill.
Try it! Now! Susie, let me see your work with your rhymes and your feeling as the poem comes about. Remember, first find the rhyme, then the line.
Best wishes for your success ---
Leland
